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Title: Cautionary Tales for Children

Author: Hilaire Belloc

Illustrator: Basil T.  Blackwood

Release Date: December 5, 2008 [EBook #27424]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

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cover

[Pg 1]

CAUTIONARY TALES FOR CHILDREN


[Pg 3]

CAUTIONARY TALES FOR
CHILDREN

Designed for the Admonition of Children between the ages
of eight and fourteen years

image

Verses by
H. BELLOC

———

Pictures by
B. T. B.

DUCKWORTH
3 HENRIETTA STREET, LONDON, W.C.


[Pg 4]

First published by Eveleigh Nash, 1907
First published by Gerald Duckworth & Co. Ltd., 1918
Thirteenth Impression, 1957

All rights reserved

 

 

Made and Printed in Great Britain by
Thomas Nelson and Sons Ltd
London and Edinburgh


[Pg 5]

DEDICATED

TO

BOBBY, JOHNNY, AND EDDIE

SOMERSET


[Pg 7]

INTRODUCTION

Upon being asked by a Reader whether the verses contained in this book were true.

image

 

And is it True? It is not True.
And if it were it wouldn’t do,
For people such as me and you
Who pretty nearly all day long
Are doing something rather wrong.
Because if things were really so,
You would have perished long ago,
And I would not have lived to write
The noble lines that meet your sight,
Nor B. T. B. survived to draw
The nicest things you ever saw.

H. B.


[Pg 9]

Jim,

Who ran away from his Nurse, and was eaten by a Lion.

 

image

There was a Boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside,
And little Tricycles to ride,
And

[Pg 10]

image

read him Stories through and through,
And even took him to the Zoo—
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, which I now relate.

You know—at least you ought to know.
For I have often told you so—
That Children never are allowed
To leave their Nurses in a Crowd;

[Pg 11]

Now this was Jim’s especial Foible,
He ran away when he was able,
And on this inauspicious day
He slipped his hand and ran away!
He hadn’t gone a yard when—

image

Bang!
With open Jaws, a Lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.

[Pg 12]

Now just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.

image

No wonder Jim detested it!
No wonder that he shouted “Hi!”
The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat

[Pg 13]

image

he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
“Ponto!” he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the Lion’s name),
“Ponto!” he cried,

image

with angry Frown.
“Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!”

[Pg 14]

The Lion made a sudden Stop,
He let the Dainty Morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his Cage,
Snarling with Disappointed Rage
But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper’s

image

Eyes were dim.
The Lion having reached his Head,
The Miserable Boy was dead!

[Pg 15]

image

When Nurse informed his Parents, they
Were more Concerned than I can say:—
His Mother, as She dried her eyes,
Said, “Well—it gives me no surprise,
He would not do as he was told!”
His Father, who was self-controlled,
Bade all the children round attend
[Pg 16] To James’ miserable end,
And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse.


[Pg 17]

Henry King,

Who chewed bits of String, and was early cut off in Dreadful Agonies.

 

The Chief Defect of Henry King
Was

image

chewing little bits of String.
At last he swallowed some which tied
[Pg 18] Itself in ugly Knots inside.

image

Physicians of the Utmost Fame
Were called at once; but when they came
They answered,

[Pg 19]

image

as they took their Fees,
“There is no Cure for this Disease.
Henry will very soon be dead.”
His Parents stood about his Bed
Lamenting his Untimely Death,
When Henry, with his Latest Breath,
Cried—
“Oh, my Friends, be warned by me,

[Pg 20]

image

That Breakfast, Dinner, Lunch and Tea
Are all the Human Frame requires ...”
With that the Wretched Child expires.


[Pg 21]

Matilda,

Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death.

 

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies,

image

It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes;
Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,

[Pg 22]

image

Attempted to Believe Matilda:
The effort very nearly killed her,
And would have done so, had not She
Discovered this Infirmity.
For once, towards the Close of Day,
Matilda, growing tired of play,
[Pg 23] And finding she was left alone,
Went tiptoe

image

to
the Telephone
And summoned the Immediate Aid
Of London’s Noble Fire-Brigade.
Within an hour the Gallant Band
Were pouring in on every hand,
From Putney, Hackney Downs and Bow,
With Courage high and Hearts a-glow
They galloped, roaring through the Town,

[Pg 24]

image

“Matilda’s House is Burning Down!”
Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
They ran their ladders through a score
Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
The Pictures up and down the House,

[Pg 25]

image

Until Matilda’s Aunt succeeded
In showing them they were not needed
And even then she had to pay
To get the Men to go away!


It happened that a few Weeks later
Her Aunt was off to the Theatre
To see that Interesting Play
The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.

[Pg 26]

image

She had refused to take her Niece
To hear this Entertaining Piece:
A Deprivation Just and Wise
To Punish her for Telling Lies.
That Night a Fire did break out—
You should have heard Matilda Shout!
You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
[Pg 27] And throw the window up and call
To People passing in the Street—
(The rapidly increasing Heat
Encouraging her to obtain
Their confidence)—but all in vain!
For every time She shouted “Fire!”

image

They only answered “Little Liar!”
And therefore when her Aunt returned,
[Pg 28] Matilda, and the House, were Burned.

image

[Pg 29]

Franklin Hyde,

Who caroused in the Dirt and was corrected by His Uncle.

 

image

His Uncle came on Franklin Hyde
Carousing in the Dirt.
He Shook him hard from Side to Side
And

[Pg 30]

image

Hit him till it Hurt,

 

Exclaiming, with a Final Thud,
[Pg 31] “Take

image

that! Abandoned Boy!
For Playing with Disgusting Mud
As though it were a Toy!”

 

MORAL

From Franklin Hyde’s adventure, learn
To pass your Leisure Time
[Pg 32] In Cleanly Merriment, and turn
From Mud and Ooze and Slime
And every form of Nastiness—
But, on the other Hand,
Children in ordinary Dress
May always play with Sand.

image

[Pg 33]

Godolphin Horne,

Who was cursed with the Sin of Pride, and Became a Boot-Black.

 

image

Godolphin Horne was Nobly Born;
He held the Human Race in Scorn,
And lived with all his Sisters where
His father lived, in Berkeley Square.
And oh! the Lad was Deathly Proud!
[Pg 34] He never shook your Hand or Bowed,
But merely smirked and nodded

image

thus:
How perfectly ridiculous!
Alas! That such Affected Tricks
Should flourish in a Child of Six!
(For such was Young Godolphin’s age).

[Pg 35] Just then, the Court required a Page,
Whereat

image

the Lord High Chamberlain
(The Kindest and the Best of Men),
He went good-naturedly and

[Pg 36]

image

took
A Perfectly Enormous Book
Called People Qualified to Be
Attendant on His Majesty
,
And murmured, as he scanned the list
(To see that no one should be missed),
“There’s

[Pg 37]

image

William Coutts has got the Flue,

image

And Billy Higgs would never do,

And Guy image de Vere is far too young,

image

And ... wasn’t D’Alton’s Father hung?
And as for Alexander Byng!— ...
I think I know the kind of thing,
A Churchman, cleanly, nobly born,
Come

[Pg 38] let us say Godolphin Horne?”
But hardly had he said the word
When Murmurs of Dissent were heard.
The King of Iceland’s Eldest Son
Said, “Thank you! I am taking none!”
The Aged Duchess of Athlone
Remarked, in her sub-acid tone,
“I doubt if He is what we need!”
With which the Bishops all agreed;
And even Lady Mary Flood
(So Kind, and oh! so really good)
Said, “No! He wouldn’t do at all,
He’d make us feel a lot too small,”
The Chamberlain said,

[Pg 39] “ ... Well, well, well!
No doubt you’re right.... One cannot tell!”
He took his Gold and Diamond Pen
And

image

Scratched Godolphin out again.
So now Godolphin is the Boy
[Pg 40] Who blacks the Boots at the Savoy.

image

[Pg 41]

Algernon,

Who played with a Loaded Gun, and, on missing his Sister was reprimanded by his Father.

image

Young Algernon, the Doctor’s Son,
Was

image

playing with a Loaded Gun.
He pointed it towards his sister,
Aimed very carefully, but

[Pg 42]

image

Missed her!

image

His Father, who was standing near,

The Loud Explosion chanced to Hear,

 [Pg 43]

image

And reprimanded Algernon
For playing with a Loaded Gun.


[Pg 44]

Hildebrand,

Who was frightened by a Passing Motor, and was brought to Reason.

 

image

“Oh, Murder! What was that, Papa!”
“My child,

[Pg 45] It was a Motor-Car,
A Most Ingenious Toy!

image

Designed to Captivate and Charm
Much rather than to rouse Alarm
In any English Boy.

“What would your Great Grandfather who

[Pg 46]

image

Was Aide-de-Camp to General Brue,

[Pg 47] And lost a leg at

image

Waterloo,

And

[Pg 48]

image

Quatre-Bras and

image

Ligny too!

 

[Pg 49] And died at Trafalgar!—

image

What would he have remarked to hear
His Young Descendant shriek with fear,
Because he happened to be near
A Harmless Motor-Car!
But do not fret about it! Come!
[Pg 50] We’ll off to Town

image

And purchase some!”


[Pg 51]

Lord Lundy,

Who was too Freely Moved to Tears, and thereby ruined his Political Career.

 

image

Lord Lundy from his earliest years
Was far too freely moved to Tears.
For instance if his Mother said,
“Lundy! It’s time to go to Bed!”
He bellowed like a Little Turk.
Or if

[Pg 52]

image

his father Lord Dunquerque
Said “Hi!” in a Commanding Tone,
“Hi, Lundy! Leave the Cat alone!”
Lord Lundy, letting go its tail,
Would raise so terrible a wail
As moved
[Pg 53] His
Grandpapa
the

image

Duke
To utter the severe rebuke:
“When I, Sir! was a little Boy,
An Animal was not a Toy!”

[Pg 54] His father’s Elder Sister, who
Was married to a Parvenoo,

image

Confided to Her Husband, “Drat!
The Miserable, Peevish Brat!
Why don’t they drown the Little Beast?”
Suggestions which, to say the least,
Are not what we expect to hear
From Daughters of an English Peer.
His grandmamma, His Mother’s Mother,
[Pg 55] Who had some dignity or other,
The Garter, or no matter what,
I can’t remember all the Lot!
Said “Oh! that I were Brisk and Spry
To give him that for which to cry!”
(An empty wish, alas! for she

image

Was Blind and nearly ninety-three).

[Pg 56]

image

The

Dear Old Butler

thought—but there!
I really neither know nor care
For what the Dear Old Butler thought!
In my opinion, Butlers ought
To know their place, and not to play
The Old Retainer night and day
[Pg 57] I’m getting tired and so are you,
Let’s cut the Poem into two!


[Pg 58]

Lord Lundy

(SECOND CANTO)

It happened to Lord Lundy then,
As happens to so many men:
Towards the age of twenty-six,
They shoved him into politics;
In which profession he commanded
The income that his rank demanded
In turn as Secretary for
India, the Colonies, and War.
But very soon his friends began
To doubt if he were quite the man:
Thus, if a member rose to say
(As members do from day to day),

[Pg 59]

image

“Arising out of that reply ...!”

image

Lord Lundy would begin to cry.
A Hint at harmless little jobs
Would shake him with convulsive sobs.

[Pg 60]

While as for Revelations, these
Would simply bring him to his knees,
And leave him whimpering like a child.
It drove his Colleagues raving wild!
They let him sink from Post to Post,
From fifteen hundred at the most
To eight, and barely six—and then
To be Curator of Big Ben!...
And finally there came a Threat
To oust him from the Cabinet!

The Duke—his aged grand-sire—bore
The shame till he could bear no more.
He rallied his declining powers,
Summoned the youth to Brackley Towers,
[Pg 61] And bitterly addressed him thus—
“Sir! you have disappointed us!
We had intended you to be
The next Prime Minister but three:
The stocks were sold; the Press was squared:
The Middle Class was quite prepared.
But as it is!... My language fails!

image

Go out and govern New South Wales!”


The Aged Patriot groaned and died:
[Pg 62] And gracious! how Lord Lundy cried!

image

[Pg 63]

Rebecca,

Who slammed Doors for Fun and Perished Miserably.

 

A Trick that everyone abhors
In Little Girls is slamming Doors.
A

image

Wealthy Banker’s

[Pg 64]

image

Little Daughter

Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater
(By name Rebecca Offendort),
Was given to this Furious Sport.

She would deliberately go

image

And Slam the door like
Billy-Ho!

image

[Pg 65] To make

her

Uncle Jacob start.
She was not really bad at heart,
But only rather rude and wild:
She was an aggravating child....

It happened that a Marble Bust
Of Abraham was standing just
Above the Door this little Lamb
Had carefully prepared to Slam,
And Down it came! It knocked her flat!

[Pg 66]

image

It laid her out! She looked like that.

 

image

Her funeral Sermon (which was long
And followed by a Sacred Song)
Mentioned her Virtues, it is true,
But dwelt upon her Vices too,
[Pg 67] And showed the Dreadful End of One
Who goes and slams the door for Fun.


The children who were brought to hear
The awful Tale from far and near
Were much impressed,

[Pg 68]

and inly swore
They never more would slam the Door.
—As often they had done before.

image

[Pg 69]

George,

Who played with a Dangerous Toy, and suffered a Catastrophe of considerable Dimensions.

 

When George’s Grandmamma was told

image

That George had been as good as Gold,
She Promised in the Afternoon
To buy him an Immense BALLOON.
And

[Pg 70]

image

so she did; but when it came,
It got into the candle flame,
And being of a dangerous sort
Exploded

image

with a loud report!

[Pg 71] The Lights went out! The Windows broke!
The Room was filled with reeking smoke.
And in the darkness shrieks and yells
Were mingled with Electric Bells,
And falling masonry and groans,
And crunching, as of broken bones,
And dreadful shrieks, when, worst of all,
The House itself began to fall!
It tottered, shuddering to and fro,
Then crashed into the street below—
Which happened to be Savile Row.


When Help arrived, among the Dead

Were

image

Cousin Mary,

image

Little Fred,

[Pg 72]

image

The Footmen

image

(both of them),

image

The Groom,

image

The man that cleaned the Billiard-Room,

[Pg 73]

image

The Chaplain, and

image

The Still-Room Maid.
And I am dreadfully afraid
That Monsieur Champignon, the Chef,
Will now be

image

permanently deaf—
And both his

[Pg 74] Aides

image

are much the same;
While George, who was in part to blame,
Received, you will regret to hear,
A nasty lump

image

behind the ear.

 

MORAL

The moral is that little Boys
Should not be given dangerous Toys.


[Pg 75]

Charles Augustus Fortescue,

Who always Did what was Right, and so accumulated an Immense Fortune.

 

The nicest child I ever knew
Was Charles Augustus Fortescue.
He never lost his cap, or tore
His stockings or his pinafore:
In eating Bread he made no Crumbs,
He was extremely fond of sums,

image

To which, however, he preferred
The Parsing of a Latin Word—
He sought, when it was in his power,
For information twice an hour,
[Pg 76] And as for finding Mutton-Fat
Unappetising, far from that!
He often, at his Father’s Board,
Would beg them, of his own accord,

image

To give him, if they did not mind,
The Greasiest Morsels they could find—
His Later Years did not belie
The Promise of his Infancy.
[Pg 77] In Public Life he always tried
To take a judgment Broad and Wide;

image

In Private, none was more than he
Renowned for quiet courtesy.
He rose at once in his Career,
And long before his Fortieth Year
Had wedded

[Pg 78]

Fifi,

image

Only Child
Of Bunyan, First Lord Aberfylde.
He thus became immensely Rich,
And built the Splendid Mansion which
Is called

image

[Pg 79]

the cedars muswell hill

Where he resides in Affluence still
To show what Everybody might
Become by

SIMPLY DOING RIGHT.






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